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Where I'm brave.

It took me a long time to come out of the closet, but I had no energy left to exist in a neurotypical world without acknowledging my neurodiversity. I did my best, too long. WAY too long.
 
I don’t expect you or anyone to understand how I think, or accept it. I don't care. This is for me; anyone with Autism, anyone who loves someone with Autism, and anyone interested in understanding the brain of a woman with Autism. 
 
At this point on my journey, I’m proud of myself for still being here.

My hope is to keep doing greatness in the world. My goal is to keep inspiring others, keep shining light in the dark places still unknown about Autism and the human condition, and lift everyone I come in contact with up a bit higher than before meeting me. 

Here you will get a chance to read something I've never shared before... What it's like for me living my life with Autism. 


Morning Thoughts - Freedom

6/17/2019

1 Comment

 
​I’ve been inwardly toiling with the idea of “freedom” and what that means to me. For the past years I have felt so much like a prisoner within the confines of my relationships that I’m not even sure what freedom is quite yet. As a grown woman I should be making adult choices, but a child-like dynamic still seems to be the undercurrent in my personal life.
 
I still feel like I need to answer to whomever I’m with romantically at any given point,  placing their needs for safety and security above my own. It’s not healthy and I need to work on it.
 
Also, I want to have more adventures, but feel safe doing so. I’m not yet fully sure what this means, but I think it involves going out, socializing, and exploring more. Not being such a hermit. Yet, having Autism makes it so I need extreme recovery/home-time.

So I haven't figured out how to apply this radical plan of mine. 

What I do know, is that I'm not happy right now. It's as if I can see glimmers of it in the distance, but it has not fully materialized. 

I have yet to find freedom in patience, but guaranteed- I'm working on it.
1 Comment
sarah link
8/9/2019 08:02:31 am

It is really difficult: knowing you really should get out and socialise but having the dread of it and knowing the toll it will take on your energy. Masking takes so much energy, pretending you're enjoying yourself, looking alive. I'm ok in natural surroundings, less tired, but not usually headachey. Maybe I should only organise events outside!

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    Raea 

    I'm a woman living with Autism Spectrum Disorder, Aspergers, revealing some of my challenges, joys, experiences and everything in between. 

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