Morning Thoughts - Freedom

​I’ve been inwardly toiling with the idea of “freedom” and what that means to me. For the past years I have felt so much like a prisoner within the confines of my relationships that I’m not even sure what freedom is quite yet. As a grown woman I should be making adult choices, but a child-like dynamic still seems to be the undercurrent in my personal life.
 
I still feel like I need to answer to whomever I’m with romantically at any given point,  placing their needs for safety and security above my own. It’s not healthy and I need to work on it.
 
Also, I want to have more adventures, but feel safe doing so. I’m not yet fully sure what this means, but I think it involves going out, socializing, and exploring more. Not being such a hermit. Yet, having Autism makes it so I need extreme recovery/home-time.

So I haven't figured out how to apply this radical plan of mine. 

What I do know, is that I'm not happy right now. It's as if I can see glimmers of it in the distance, but it has not fully materialized. 

I have yet to find freedom in patience, but guaranteed- I'm working on it.