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Where I'm brave.

It took me a long time to come out of the closet, but I had no energy left to exist in a neurotypical world without acknowledging my neurodiversity. I did my best, too long. WAY too long.
 
I don’t expect you or anyone to understand how I think, or accept it. I don't care. This is for me; anyone with Autism, anyone who loves someone with Autism, and anyone interested in understanding the brain of a woman with Autism. 
 
At this point on my journey, I’m proud of myself for still being here.

My hope is to keep doing greatness in the world. My goal is to keep inspiring others, keep shining light in the dark places still unknown about Autism and the human condition, and lift everyone I come in contact with up a bit higher than before meeting me. 

Here you will get a chance to read something I've never shared before... What it's like for me living my life with Autism. 


I'm scared of melting down in public.

1/8/2020

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I travel next week, and for me meltdowns are a serious concern. When I reach a point of sensory overload there’s nothing left in me to hold myself together. I become non-verbal, what is called “selective mutism,” and I can’t talk if spoken to. Someone may say something like “Are you ok? Is something wrong? Can I help in some way?” but I’ve got nothing. I blankly stare, possibly shaking and crying. They dare not touch me, or things might not end well. The last thing I want is to be touched by someone when I’m having a sensory-overload experience.
 
With my partner, this is a non-issue, as he has been trained (by me) to know precisely how to help me safely navigate during challenging times like this. However, if I’m out in public, alone, a meltdown is the most terrifying experience I can imagine.
 
The last time I was in an airport I almost had a complete meltdown. It was mitigated by my catching myself in time and sitting on the ground, up against a wall, reminding myself to breathe deeply. I was able to get a friend on the phone who helped walk me through grounding myself, before it turned into a nightmare. Generally, I have a few moments/seconds before a full meltdown takes place. If I can’t regain control during this grace period, once the switch gets flipped and I go into a full meltdown- there is nothing I can do to come back until it runs its course. It can take anywhere from 30 minutes to a few hours once this occurs. 

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    Raea 

    I'm a woman living with Autism Spectrum Disorder, Aspergers, revealing some of my challenges, joys, experiences and everything in between. 

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