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Where I'm brave.

It took me a long time to come out of the closet, but I had no energy left to exist in a neurotypical world without acknowledging my neurodiversity. I did my best, too long. WAY too long.
 
I don’t expect you or anyone to understand how I think, or accept it. I don't care. This is for me; anyone with Autism, anyone who loves someone with Autism, and anyone interested in understanding the brain of a woman with Autism. 
 
At this point on my journey, I’m proud of myself for still being here.

My hope is to keep doing greatness in the world. My goal is to keep inspiring others, keep shining light in the dark places still unknown about Autism and the human condition, and lift everyone I come in contact with up a bit higher than before meeting me. 

Here you will get a chance to read something I've never shared before... What it's like for me living my life with Autism. 


Narrowly escaped

2/26/2019

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One day I was at a local restaurant with a partner, a burger shack kind of place where you pick food up at the counter.

We placed our order, sat down to wait, then got our food.

Shortly thereafter I noticed a family, parents and a kid. A little girl, about 4 years old, under the table scream-crying, throwing a tantrum, for an extended period of time. The parents ignored her, letting her cry.

I however, couldn’t ignore her. She was disrupting the whole restaurant, right behind me.

Because of sensory issues, the sound of children often gets to me. Their high-pitched voices, sounds, and erratic movements set me off like nothing else. If I’m on high-alert, a meltdown is imminent. 

In this instance, I couldn’t leave. We just got our food and simply aimed to finish our meal, as we were hungry.

--- Like many of my extremes, often I wait too long before I eat. and don’t realize I’m hungry, until I’m extremely hungry. Which by this time, generally results in my being “hangry,” hungry-angry/emotional. Add fragile sensory issues and whatever is going on probably isn't gonna turn out wonderful. 

The kid wouldn’t stop. The parents wouldn’t handle it. It continued.

So, after a few long minutes, I finally turned around and said… ‘Some of us are attempting to have a pleasant time here.’

I was being tactful, because I didn’t say what I really wanted to, which was, 'Hey parents, your kid is being a little jerk and you're being bigger jerks for not dealing with the situation like good parents. Take your little brat to the car so those of us with sensory issues can function.' (What I wanted to say but didn't) So, I figured that I was being extraordinarily nice. 
 
The Mom replied defensively, ‘Excuse me???’

I said, ‘Can you take your kid outside or something?’

Apparently, again, the wrong thing to say.
 
She got up, right in my face, in MY PERSONAL SPACE (which is 2 feet from my body in comfortable environments, 3 feet from my body in uncomfortable scenarios.) To guard my space, I lifted my hands quickly in a defensive position to block her charging me.
 
“You hit me because my kid is crying?! I’m calling the cops!!!’
 
Not good. She got on the phone… minutes later, the police arrived.
 
Meanwhile, my partner (who ran a hospital,) pulled me out of the situation, let me meltdown, then attempted to calm me down... When the police arrived, they told me that they were not going to take me in, but could have.
 
Thankfully, had it not been for my neurotypical partner and his explaining to the officer that I have Autism, I would most likely have gone to jail that day for assault. Even though I didn't hit the woman, she charged me. But my natural reflexes to physically guard when someone comes into my personal space almost got me in trouble. When my arms flailed, I accidentally touched her, and this apparently would have put me at fault.

I’m not sure how I could have handled it differently, other than walking out as soon as the kid started crying… But I shouldn’t always have to leave places when a kid starts crying. It gets old and I'm tired of it. 
 
Why do I always have to have be the extra-careful one? Why does no one consider those of us with sensory issues?

I do my best to not to offend people, but who is considering me?
 
I need parents to be doing their best too, considering that their child may not be the only one experiencing upsetting issues which are uncontrollable in the moment. 

Thankfully in this instance I had someone with me, but if I hadn't, this story would have turned out much different. I'm thankful for the people in my life who protect me and know how to help when I'm in difficult public situations. 

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    Raea 

    I'm a woman living with Autism Spectrum Disorder, Aspergers, revealing some of my challenges, joys, experiences and everything in between. 

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